"Our society has perpetrated a fraud. We are led to believe that the last thing bereaved parents would want to do is talk about the death of their child. The complete reverse is true."
"It is also hoped that their experiences in living with the loss of a child will serve to enlighten all those seeking to provide consolation to bereaved families"
From the book: "Recovering from the Loss of a Child" by Katherine Fair Donnelly
Amid the rush of lives are many who suffer in silence. These are the women and men who have lost infant children. As a 'survivor' myself, I have struggled with shame, and for many years would not share or tell my story because I would receive pity, and I felt I would be viewed differently. The pain of the circumstances surrounding my loss was intertwined with a great emotional turmoil of parental disappointment and the rejection and ultimate abandonment by my spouse.
ReplyDeleteThe year was 1977 and in my 8th month of pregnancy I developed Toxemia. After 36 hours of labor, I was given gas and was unconscious for the delivery. Matthew Alan was taken with forceps and soon he was critically ill. Suddenly without being able to see my son, he was taken to a nearby hospital equipped with intensive care for babies. Within a day and a half my son was gone, having died of Hyaline Membrane Disease or respiratory distress syndrome. This is the same condition that took the life of President & Mrs. Kennedy's son in 1963. It is a disease that medical science has corrected today.
Psychologists tell us that the best way of dealing with this type of grief is to talk. After 30 years my silence is now broken. Today, I continue to feel uncomfortable with pity from others as I begin to freely tell my story. But I feel I must tell the story of a boy who will never: walk for the first time, talk about his school day, drive his first car or bear his own son. My only glimpse of this dark headed child was of him lying in a casket. Though I never held him, he will always remain in my heart until one day we meet in heaven.
Peggy W